The Final Countdown!

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We are six days away from our big day. So far we have avoided Tropical Storm Alberto by mere days, and have watched the weather forecast go from 60% chance of rain to 10% chance of rain. (When I saw that this evening, I broke into the Doxology -- "Praise GOD from whom all blessings flowwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" #truestory)

Things are packed for my trek to Bluffton in preparation for the wedding. The next time I set foot in this house (and set my fingers typing away on this blog) I'll be a Mrs.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow indeed!

May Fest

This past weekend the fiance and I went to his parent's house/hometown and attended the coveted May Fest/Bluffton Village Festival down Calhoun Street. We had a lot of fun seeing all the vendors, people watching, and enjoying lowcountry culture and cuisine.

We will be serving this menu at our wedding reception. Just kidding!

Wind-chimes made out of flattened-out silverware

The Church of the Cross

Welcome to the south!

My date for the weekend. I am a lucky lady.

I have really grown to love the South, the lowcountry laid-back feel of everything, and being in a community where quirkiness, craziness, and craftiness is celebrated! We are so excited to share this part of our life with our friends and family in 12 days! #weddingmadness

Proverbs 19:21

The day I realized I needed to start acting my age

I remember not too long ago being anxious about my future, consumed with questions like "what am I supposed to do next?", "where am I supposed to go next?" and "how am I supposed to know how to navigate my life as a 'young adult'?"

And now here I am, 3 years after those questions controlled my life, done with both undergrad and graduate school, and about to move and get married to the one I love. Sure, these questions still bother me at times, times when I feel unsure or when I feel like there doesn't seem to be anything waiting for me on the other side. But then I am reminded of how great my life has been, how blessed my life has been, and how He has continued to provide for me and lead me in ways that speak directly to how much He loves and saves me everyday.

The fiance and I have been showered by so much love from our friends and family in anticipation for our wedding that we are sure that all of these blessings are not from our own doing (I mean we got a gas grill gifted to us for heaven's sake!) We prayed for and were provided a house that fits our needs perfectly. I managed to survive 2 years of graduate school learning how to be a compassionate and effective helper to others as a social worker. And, as if those weren't enough blessings, the fiance got word yesterday that he got into a masters program at Duke University that will bless him in his ministry with young people for years to come.

When I look back at the decisions I had to make and the many times I had to walk in faith, I see clearly how He has lead me (and the fiance) in a path that always leads us back to Him and his purposes for us. The experiences we have had, the people we have met, the places we have gone - have all helped us see that it is not my desires or my wants that have been accomplished, but His. (If my desires and wants were accomplished, I would have been one of the lucky people who won that ridiculously large lottery last month!)

Goes to show ya -- the Lord really knows our heart and wants the best for us. As long as we seek after Him, He really does make our lives meaningful, full, purposeful, and enjoyable.

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails."

Hoarder

While moving in and unpacking last week, I discovered that when you marry someone, you also marry their stuff. And by stuff, I mean alllllllllll of it. Our extra guest-room-turned-office ended up being affectionately called "the crap room", as all the boxes my fiance brought with him got placed there "until further notice".

"Until further notice" got addressed when I came down for spring break. One of my jobs was to go through his stuff and find a proper place for it. When I asked him before what kind of "stuff" I would be going through, he shrugged his shoulders and just said "Stuff." Reassuring.

I got to this said "stuff", and it was just an elaborate, highly chaotic, collection of crap. Like, old eye masks (fact #2457 about the fiance: he wears an eye mask to sleep every night), various rubbery ipod cases, nasty old woven friendship-type bracelets type of crap. I found myself moving boxes of junk from one corner of the room to the other, not really knowing what to do with any of it.

After dinner, the fiance and I sat down together to look through his stuff. Whenever I asked him why he chose to keep things, he said "You never know when you'll ever need it!" This was the reply for: empty containers, ear buds, a bajillion bandanas (you know your fiance is a youth director when...), etc.

When I commented about how surprised I was that my fiance has kept all these things, he replied: "You don't understand. This is the first time I've had to share my space with anyone. All my stuff came with me. I went from one extreme to the other. Before this past year, I didn't use to save anything. Now I save everything."

Couple things -- 1) Kind of concerned that in 1 year the fiance has accumulated a rather impressive collection of eye masks... 2) Kind of impressed he saved all the cards I wrote him (1 point for the fiance)

Then I came across this:

It was in a card box with a bunch of other cards just like it.

"Oh, that's nice! We have some extra 'thank you cards' to use!"

Then I touched it; thinner than the toilet paper you find at the airport bathrooms.

Then I opened it.

Liar liar pants on fire; "I hope you have a good 2006"?!?!?!?!?!?!?

That was the day we had our first big laugh (to the point of tears) at our new house. *memories*

Mutemath

If there's one thing you need to know about the fiance, it's this: I am not his first love. Mutemath is.

Don't believe me? One time I tweeted about his love for them and how his love for Mutemath > his love for me, and they awarded me a signed poster. To give to him. And consequently increase his obsession to infinity. Wish I was kidding.

In 2009 the fiance (at the time just my co-worker) convinced me to see what this band was all about. We made a pilgrimage to The Tabernacle and I have to admit; Mutemath was everything my fiance raved about, and more. I was so enamored by them that I willingly stood outside of their tour bus for hours after the show to meet them and have my Converses signed. Still wish I was kidding.

Then in 2010 we saw Mutemath back-to-back in two evenings. I went from a girl who never knew who Mutemath was to a girl who screams with excitement when Darren King duct tapes his headphones to his head. Can't kid anymore, this is all true.

Then, yesterday, on our one-year anniversary of our engagement, I gifted the fiance with a belated birthday present -- to see his beloved band at The Tabernacle again for their last show of their tour. Our faces melted, I had confetti fly out of my clothes when I changed after the concert hours later, and my ears were still ringing this morning.

This is what a face of sheer amazement/confusion looks like

Mutemath, thanks for the memories.

(Savannah) Weekend Update

This past weekend, I had the pleasure of taking a quick trip to Savannah back home for a weekend of celebrations.

The first thing we did when I landed was head straight to look at wedding rings (long distance relationship + 1 more trip to Savannah before I get married + 96 days till our wedding day = priorities). I have never looked at so many rings (that all look the same??) in my life. Fun thing about ring shopping: you get to try on rings that you definitely cannot afford (what up ring-more-than-my-bank-account). Bad thing about ring shopping: pretending like I knew the difference between tungsten carbide, cobalt, triton...let's just say asked too often what the "upkeep" was for a ring like "that".

She's a brick...house

We rushed to a 3 o'clock appointment with this lovely named Jan who showed us a house for rent. An hour later, we left with a packet of papers, a little less money in our pocket...and a 3 bedroom/2 bath + fenced in yard to call our home for the next year! The Lord really blessed us immensely in this housing find; everything we wanted and prayed for was provided...and more. How does this keep happening to us??

Dinnertime rolled around and it was time to celebrate the fiance's 25th birthday! Complete with an old-man-Mr.-Rogers cardigan. While at dinner, our waiter noticed that we were having a lot of fun goofing off and enjoying each other's company. Not only did he tell us he thought our love was real, he also gave us 3 beignets on the house! I guess good things do come in small (styrofoam) packages...

The next day we woke up early and headed to Back In The Day Bakery for their to die for Saturday-morning-only cinnamon rolls (also amazing: their bacon + onion jam panini). This place is so good that Paula Deen's tour bus comes through Thursday-Saturday morning to tourist-ify the shop and consume all the southern goodness that is bursting out these doors. There was enough sugar in our breakfast to get us geared to go back to the mall to look at the rings we narrowed down. It only took us an hour to find and pick out our rings! I guess I actually do have to marry him now...

The Millers got married!

In the late afternoon, we headed to Isle of Hope UMC to see Matt & Lindsay get murried! Then we headed to the reception and had a grand ol' time celebrating and dancing the night away. Congratulations to the newly weds, hope you're enjoying the honeymoon!

As if the weekend wasn't packed with enough excitement, I awoke in a fright on Sunday morning to the most terrifying burst of thunder I have ever heard in my 24 years of life. Then I realized I was hours away from leaving the one I loved yet again, to return to the frozen tundra that is Maryland and our long-distance relationship.

Good news? I'm 1 (uno, ONE!) round-trip visit way from moving to Savannah for good, and I'm 96 days from saying "I do" to the most handsome man in all the land. Ahhhhhh!!!!

I heart you!

My appreciation for valentines day began the first time I received a candy heart...and it ended immediately after I ate one. Worst candy ever made award goes to those chalk pieces sold on Feb. 14th.

A day dedicated to loving your loved ones? Pshhh -- that's the sissy way of doing things. You wanna be totally boss? Celebrate valentines day every. day. That's how I roll, and it's not hard to love every day when you got this to love every day:

Hope you all have valentines that make you laugh!

House Rules

House rules -- shoes off at the door, pick up after yourself, the one who didn't cook does the dishes -- these are the things you start thinking about when you're getting ready to marry someone and realize that two independent lives are coming to a glorious collision of dependency. As we have been stretched to learn and grow with each other, we have started the habit of having some "rules" that help us stay connected and on the same page, even if we're not physically in the same place.

Oh the places you'll go! The fiance is a youth pastor, which means he often goes on trips for a long period of time in places that take a long time to get to. An early "house rule" for us is that anytime one of us goes on a trip where we change zip codes and/or cross state lines, we are greatly encouraged to text each other and let the other know when we have: 1. left home base and 2. arrived at new and/or intended destination.

Thanks to this rule, we have grown accustomed to letting each other know where we are and where we're going. This has been especially helpful since we have been long-distance; you would think that it wouldn't make that much of a difference (since we're already apart), but I think I care more about his safety since we've been long-distance than when we're in the same place. Once we're married, I'll still want to know when he's arrived, but I will have known when he's left (because he'll be leaving my sweet embrace, duh).

Oh the people you'll see! Related to the above house rule is this house rule about who we spend time with and what we spend time doing with said people. This past summer, I got to join the summer bible study/small group for young adults at church. We started the summer off by going through Andy Stanley's "Guardrail" series. This six-part series defines guardrails as "a standard of behavior—that’s a behavior you choose—a standard of behavior that becomes a matter of conscience" (Part 3: Flee Baby Flee!) and in this series, Stanley discusses how we can set-up "guardrails" in our daily life that not only help tune our thoughts and actions to the beat of God's heart, but also to help guide us when we start making decisions in our daily life and in our relationships with others.

Example? One of the guardrails Stanley recommends for married couples is to not have coffee, lunch, dinner, etc with a member of the opposite sex alone. Some may read/listen to Stanley's "Guardrail" series and consider his suggestions ridiculous or extremely strict. However, I, like many others, have come to value his suggestions and have taken what he has said and made it work for me and my relationship with my fiance.When I first read that I thought to myself, "Well, duh! Obviously I wouldn't go on a lunch-date with a guy friend, that's not a problem I should be worried about." Then I realized how many friends I have that are male, and I began to realize that, while I am not physically or emotionally attracted to these friends, I have ample opportunity to become unhealthily invested if I didn't set up a guardrail that cautions me when that type of interaction is about to happen. Now, I have to confess, I have not taken Stanley's advice; I have met up with my guy friends sans fiance since hearing this message. It is hard to meet up and keep up with guy friends and not be alone, thanks to our long-distance relationship. However, the fiance and I have done our best to start the habit of letting each other know when this type of interaction will happen. It's as simple as texting that I might grab coffee with "Bob" and then calling if/when plans are being made with "Bob" to make sure it's ok and that everyone's on the same page.

Some may see this pattern of behavior and think, "That is foolish, why do you feel the need to let your fiance know who you're going to see and what you're going to do?" But here's the thing -- by letting each other know who we're with and what we're doing, there should be no surprises. I should not be surprised if someone comes up to me and says, "Hey I saw your fiance with female-so-and-so and they were having lunch and blahblahblah." It protects me and my relationship with my fiance, and it protects our ability to trust and respect each other in our own independence.

There are still more house rules to be thought of and created. I feel like we're just hitting the tip of the iceberg. And honestly, I don't really know much about this...yet. I don't live in the same state as my fiance and I'm not married yet. But I know this - if I am able to get in the habit of respecting my husband and respecting our marriage and our covenant to each other, then guardrails and house rules are just what comes with the territory.

2011: Recap

In the spirit of being thankful, I thought about the highlights of 2011. What I remember is: a lot of laughter, a lot of love, and whole lot of grace!

In January, my brother and I were gifted a trip to Cambodia after our family trip to Thailand to visit my dad. It was a wonderful trip and a great bonding experience for the two of us.

In March, on a 'normal' Saturday afternoon, the love of my life got down on one knee and proposed. I still can't believe that happened. Sometimes I wake up and look at my ring to make sure I haven't been dreaming this whole time. True story.

Shaheen & I with our crowns; Ms. Cad's cut-off head because she was running so fast!

In April, Prince William got married to the gorgeous Kate Middleton. This was also the month I saw a couple of friends from college. My friend Shaheen came to visit. We woke up at 5AM to watch the royal wedding, and made ourselves some crowns. Then we went to visit our friend Julia in Philadephia. She ran in a marathon when we were there!

In May, my brosef graduated from college! It was a wonderful time, even though my grandparents fell asleep during the ceremony.

In the summer, the fiance and I spent three months together, pretending like we weren't in a long-distance relationship. We went on dates, we cooked at home, we went on bike rides, we went to Deep Creek with our kids. It was wonderful. Also wonderful? Our parents meeting for the first time.

I started my last year of graduate school in September. I also started working on this blog. Then November came, and it was our 2 year anniversary and Thanksgiving. Saw the fiance for the first time in three and a half months (remind me to tell you that long-distance relationships take a lot of work and patience). Counting down the days!

Then it was December, and before I knew it I was five months away from my big day. Freak out!

2011, you were so good - too good - to me. 2012 - bring. it. on.

Dos anos

 

Happy 2 year anniversary fiance! Thanks for amusing me and going with me to watch Happy Feet Two.

P.S. We're six months away from the wedding (eek!!)!!!!

I would rather...

Me: I think we should have puzzle nights when we're married!

The fiance: ..............I would rather do long division with fire ants on my face, than have puzzle nights when we're married.

Whats-in-a-name

The fiance has always found ways of saying words/calling people weird names a la Peter Klaven from the movie "I Love You, Man". It's both awkward and super cute. Don't believe me?

My name is Jocelyn. It was shorted to Jocey. Then it turned into Yosse - in what my fiance calls a "soft y". Then it cocooned itself and morphed into Yossigans. Then it got rhymed with "shenanigans" and voila - a blog url was born.

I am also known to the fiance as: lotus flower, fortune cookie, yellow panda...and my all-time fave, snags. The first three have something to do with my ethnicity, and the last one refers to the snaggle front-tooth I have been sporting since birth. My fiance is considerate and kind.

The fiance's nickname is Rounds. He has a cousin whose child's name is Loundes. She once bit him square on the butt cheek circa Thanksgiving 2009. I became fascinated with rich, Southern family names, and "Rounds" just rhymed and had something to do with his...round-ish midsection that I love dearly. And that's where my creativity stopped. No more nicknames from me.

Nicknames are funny and strange...but more strange than funny in our case. I cannot tell you the number of times that I have forgotten the fiance's real name.

East meets West

I always wanted to be born a hapa - a person that is half one race and half another. Then I took my first biology class with punnett squares and realized that it was impossible for me to change my race after I was born (big bummer).

So, I decided if I couldn't be born one, I would make one(s). And now, here I am, 24 years later, about to marry a white guy...and my children will be beautiful hapa children.

With these two races mixing, it means we have to start sharing cultures. I didn't realize how much 'different' my family was in comparison to my fiance's family...until I realized that my childhood food memories revolve around rice, noodles, and dumplings, and the fiance's childhood food memories revolve around pork chops, apple sauce, and shrimp.

The fiance's parents were in town this past weekend and my family decided to show them who we are, by showing them what we like to eat.

Honey Pig BBQ. Koreans do beef the right way.

Hot pot at home. Strange yet comforting.

I'm a little jealous of my future children. Not only will they be better looking than me, but they'll get to eat two different food flavors for the rest of their lives. Lucky!

Fighting Fair

Living long distance means we talk a lot over the phone. Talking a lot over the phone means we lose some of the clues we would normally get if we were looking at the person; if they were tired (bags under the eyes), if they were joking (smirk on the face), if they were mad (angry eyes).

We don't Skype; that was weird. Why look at someone when you can't touch them? Such a taunting game, and I lose every time. We tired it once and spent the majority of the five minutes being bashful and making funny faces and not actually talking. Never again.

Fighting - it happens in relationships. And it definitely happens when you're planning a wedding. And it even more 'definitely happens' when you're long-distancing it and planning a wedding.

So the fiance and I sometimes find ourselves talking about something funny and then all of a sudden I am raising my voice and crying. In the last few months, we have had some less-than-pleasant conversations and have had to learn the hard way how to talk about problems in a non-threatening way.

The fiance learned that in order to make our conversations go smoothly, he needs to keep me informed about details as they come up, not bring them all up at once. When he doesn't do that, I perceive them to be a bunch of problems thrown at me all at once - like when you're trying to slice all the fruit in Fruit Ninja on xBox Kinect...sometimes overwhelming and impossible and leaves you exhausted and sweating profusely (no? just me?).

I learned that in order to make our conversations go smoothly, I need to turn down my controlling nature (oopsies) and stop acting like a soap opera star with all the dramatic tantrums. When I don't do that, the fiance gets upset and frustrated at me and I get upset easily and usually break down into tears because I'm a girl. Just kidding! I usually break down into tears because I'm frustrated that I can't fix things right away.

Learning how to fight fair means learning how you fight the right way. How do you react to someone being rude to you? How do you react when your parents boss you around? How do you act when someone gives you constructive criticism? It is easier to get angry faster at the ones you love. If you can practice being nice and even-tempered with others, you will learn how to do the same with your loved one.

Or you could try fighting in whispers. I've been told it works, and usually ends up in a big, ridiculous, laughter-fest.

Going the distance

(Image from longdistancelover.com)

No one ever goes into a relationship expecting to spend the majority of their time doing it long-distance. At least I didn't.

But here I am, a few months away from my two-year anniversary and I have come to realize that of the past 20 months, the fiance and I have spent a little over half of them apart. Both the fiance and I are kind of appalled we have survived.

We love each other, but as you can probably imagine, long-distancing means we have some good days and some bad days.

Good days look something like this:
- Phone calls that last over two hours, most of which is spent laughing at how ridiculous we are
- Praying with each other even though we're miles apart
- Being with people who know the both of us and encourage us as we continue to spend time apart
- Getting letters/emails/texts is like getting Christmas every day. And I love Christmas.

Bad days look something like this:
- Only talking for 5 minutes because our schedules don't match (ie Tuesday nights, when our work and after-work schedules keep us too busy to even sit down for dinner let alone a phone conversation)
- Miscommunication and misunderstanding over what someone said or didn't say
- Being around couples doing couple-y things and feeling as if we're single because our loved one is too far away
- Having to say goodbye at the airport (I cry every.single.time.)

Despite these things, our long-distance relationship has taught me a lot about how to be more attentive to the fiance. I try (and often fail) to stay focused during our conversations, and I devote time especially for him every night because he is important to me. When we actually do see each other, it's as if I'm seeing him for our first date - I get butterflies and get all flirty...it's cute/disgusting. All of these things (and more) will help me get in the habit of valuing the fiance when we're married. Because we all know life doesn't slow down or get easier once you're married...

So here's to you long-distance relationship. Thanks for teaching me how to love my fiance!

Marriage 101

Marriage has been described to me in so many different ways; its wonderful, its worth waiting to find the one you're supposed to be with....but one phrase in particular keeps coming up: "Best thing I've ever done, but the hardest thing I've ever done."

I'm not even married yet and I already know that's the truth. There are so much things to learn about yourself, your partner, and marriage before you even start that step down the aisle, that sometimes I feel like I'm treading water just to stay afloat. The happiness and excitement of an engagement - while amazing and awesome and totally worth getting giggly over - can sometimes be lost in the mess of  wedding planning (don't get me started on guest lists!) and just the day-to-day things that happen between the ring and the ceremony (life doesn't stop acting crazy after you're engaged, did you know that?).

To help us prepare for the big day, we decided to sign up for pre-marital counseling. Some people laughed at us (me) when we (I) mentioned to others that we were going to do pre-marital counseling. "Counseling before you're even married? You're not even married and you already need help? You must have some real bad problems..."

Problems? Maybe. Things we need to work on/work through to help us better respect, communicate, and love each other? YES.

Here's what we learned about ourselves and each other through pre-marital counseling:

1. We learned our "couple profile" and learned the strengths and weaknesses of couples like us. This helped us celebrate our compatibility, while also keeping us aware of areas of improvement. It helped us recognize the different strengths we each bring to our relationship. It also helped us learn where we can help each other in our areas of improvement. We are, after all, helpers designed for each other. How helpful could we be if we didn't know how the other felt/acted/reacted?

2. We learned how to talk about our biggest disagreement area: finances. I hate talking about money. The fiance hates talking about money. I see money as a luxury and spend it because I know I can't take it with me when I die. The fiance sees money as security and holds onto it like he holds onto handlebars on a roller coaster - very, very tightly. Once we discovered that the area of finances was our biggest  "needs improvement" item, we actually spent an entire session talking through it and brainstorming ways for us to start getting on the same page. Another thing we ended up loving about pre-marital counseling: we were given homework assignments to talk about our finances, show each other our bank accounts (eek!), and even made a mock-up budget to help prepare us for our life together. Pre-marital helped us set up a comfortable and respectful space to open up and share with each other things that we had previously kept to ourselves. It also encouraged me to start being more responsible for my money!

3. Having a Christ-centered relationship and having the opportunity to be led by a Christ-follower in our preparations for our wedding was such a blessing! We had the awesome opportunity to work on staff with Karen for a year, and when we had the chance to do pre-marital with her, we jumped at it. It was such a blessing to know that someone cared about us individually and for us as a couple, and was joining us in praying for our future. Marriage is a big step in life and it can seem scary at times, but having Karen there to help us see the Biblical beauty behind marriage and the blessings of a Christ-centered marriage made us excited once again about our upcoming nuptials.

I could go on all day about the blessings and the fruits of pre-marital counseling that we are still reaping, but I think you get the idea. If you have the chance and the time, find a minister and/or a ministry and go through pre-marital counseling. Worst thing that could happen is that you learn nothing....or did you?

Put a ring on it

It was like any other day. I was in town for my spring break, and we decided to head over to the fiance's parents' house for the weekend to see them before I had to leave. We got dressed to go to the beach and had a fabulous BBQ chicken salad for lunch.

We took this photo on the beach.

Shortly after, the fiance suggested we go home.

I was hot. He was anxious.

We got back to the house, and everyone headed outside. I was watching the family dog jump through a hoop.  It was cute. The fiance got up to try, and the dog just sat there. That was not so cute.

Then the fiance got down on his knees to play with the dog and started to act concerned that the dog had something in her mouth. Some people remember "Will you marry me" on their proposal day. I remember: "Eww, come look at what's in the dog's mouth!"

Before I knew it, I was being persuaded by the fiance's entire family to go over to him to see what was going on. I was so out of it. "What a strange request," I thought, "This better be worth seeing."

It was worth seeing.

As you can see from my finger wagging, the first thing I thought of was "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat is going onnnnnnnnnnnn" and "Is this a joke?!?!?!?! Because if it is, it's not funny!!!!!"

Thankfully the Lord has given me a very patient man and he proceeded to assure me that this was real, that his love for me is real, and that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Could it get any better??

It got better.

His family was in on the whole thing, and so was mine (side story: my mom knew this was happening but forgot what day it would happen, so she would send me texts periodically asking me if anything "exciting" happened...). The proposal was recorded on a camera, and pictures were taken while I stood there in disbelief. Then as if that wasn't enough attention, they set up a private dinner for two overlooking the river right as the sun was setting. It was their first act of service for me, and I could not felt more loved and humbled to be accepted into such a wonderful family.

Of course our story would not be complete without something going wrong. In his secretiveness, the fiance asked my mom to snoop around my room for a ring size. Somehow she discovered/made up this random number, like 7/8ths and took herself and that made-up number to a jeweler...who probably looked at her strange and then somehow determined that I was a size smaller than I actually am.

The next day, we went to a random, sketchy "jeweler's bench" the next day to get the ring re-sized (I really wish I had a picture of this place; it was described to us as "that place across from the children's play area" and was located in an area where you would usually find an Auntie Anne's Pretzels. Real classy establishment). It was probably the hardest and most nerve-wracking decision we've made so far. I thought the ring was going to be lost/stolen forever. But then we came back, and the ring looked more beautiful than I remembered it from the day before.

He liked it so he put a ring on it!

Months later, I still find myself staring at my ring. I look back at these pictures and I am reminded that there is one man in particular who loves me for who I am, as close to unconditional as he can get. I cannot wait to grow old and wrinkly with him!

Too good to be true

I started having feelings for my fiance towards the beginning of fall, after I realized what a great catch he was. But, because of my sour attitude that summer and the way I treated him, I thought I had ruined my chances with him forever.

Then came Thanksgiving 2009. I lived too far away from home to spend the holidays with my family and make it back to work/church on Sunday. So the fiance graciously invited me to his parents' house to spend the holidays with them.

Every Thanksgiving, the fiance's extended family gets together. When I say extended, I mean grandma's-siblings-and-all-of-their-sons/daughters/grandchildren/significant others/etc. I was feeling a little bit uneasy about being there, seeing as I hardly even knew the fiance's family let alone his extended relatives before this. This feeling increased ten-fold when everyone got together for the annual family photo...and placed me dead center. I wish I was kidding.

Awkwardness aside, the fiance was acting kind of strange. Like affectionate strange. He suggested we go take a walk to find his brother (who I didn't know was "missing"). And then he grabbed my hand to hold it on our "walk". Excuse me, what??

Before I could think about what was actually happening, my fiance's brother, cousin and one of his cousin's kids showed up next to us. And then this little child bit the fiance square on his butt cheek. Seriously the strangest Thanksgiving I have had so far.

By the end of the day, the fiance was pursuing me 100% and I thought I was dreaming. Surely this wasn't happening! Oh but it was, and it did.

A week later, the fiance took me out on our first date. We went to a local pizza joint and had a fabulous time....until the bill came and the fiance realized they were cash-only. Guess who paid?

We spent the next six months together, learning more about each other, learning how to work together (literally) and how to love and respect each other.

Then May 2010 came and I moved away. We have since spent the last 16 months dating long-distance (it just took me 10 minutes to count the number of months we have lived apart...16 months is a long time!). We have spent a lot of time shuttling ourselves back and forth for holidays and extended weekend stays. We talk every night and update each other on the exciting day we just had.

Sometimes our schedules get so busy and out of whack that we don't get to talk. Sometimes we go to things on our own and spend our time surrounded by couples doing couple-y things. Sometimes something really funny and/or embarrassing happens to us and we turn to tell the other, but are met with absence. Sometimes it gets really tough. But then I look back at that Thanksgiving not too long ago and I cannot help but smile.

This life is truly been too good, and every Thanksgiving I thank God for giving me this man:

What is love?

A while back I did a post on discovering our love languages. We discovered many things through that test, but most importantly, we discovered that we are different people who love and hate different things, receive and give love differently, and are completely opposite (what?!).

We (I) also discovered that getting to know those parts of ourselves (myself) was an important step to take before trying to figure each other (the fiance) out.

We took tests - fun tests. We took the Myers-Briggs personality test (to which our complementary personalities describe us to a T), a love languages test, and a spiritual gifts test (thanks to our church staff retreat back in 2009). Each of these tests played a significant role in helping us figure out who we were - way before we tried to figure out who we were in relationship to each other.

When the fiance and I first met, we were hired to be interns for a youth ministry. We were basically paid to hang out with high schoolers (best job ever - hollaaaa). The following year, we were back and hired to be...not interns. It was probably the hardest thing I did that year (that and having to bleach half of my hair to dye it blue because I lost a bet for a fundraising event). We suddenly found ourselves in charge (ahh!) and kind of lost in these huge shoes to fill. Through the craziness of the summer and all its programming, I discovered that I had so much to work on about myself - emotionally, spiritually - before I could even pretend to understand another person.

So first came friendship, then came frustration. Then we started with those tests I was talking about earlier. And spent a lot of time in prayer (partially because I needed it, but also because the fiance was secretly praying that I would start having a change of character! God does answer prayers!).

Then we discovered the other wasn't so bad after all.
In fact, we found each other to be quite eye-catching.

When I look back at "our story", I start here. I start at a time in our lives where we didn't get along because we didn't understand how our own person could have strengths and weaknesses to be balanced out by another. I look back at those few months and I am so thankful for having to learn the hard way how to love and respect the fiance as a God-loved, God-created person.

Who we are together isn't perfect. We are far from a perfect couple.
But what we have discovered is that it is worth taking the time to find out about yourself, and it is worth taking the time to work on yourself - before working on someone else.

So that's where we started.
Where we're going is coming up next.

Me & Mine

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.